So... for some time now.. I've been prompted to start a "blog".. I cannot pinpoint the answer to "why".. or when the desire began, other than I continue to be inspired by others that share what is on their hearts and minds.. so I have to believe that it is not really about "me" at all... other than it could be therapeutic somehow. No.. I am going to have to believe that my thoughts in writing..(SCARY..) are meant for a higher purpose. After all.. we are all created for a purpose by God. Everything that we go through in life is a part of the journey. My journey through my 30something years has changed course often.. but I can say that within the last 6+ years, my journey has been centered on Christ - He has been my main point of focus. My ABSOLUTE.. My stability, my light in the storms. my truth, my redeemer, my healer, my peace, my strength - My Savior. Throughout the journey... I can see where He was trying to draw me to Him years before I paid attention.. beckoning me to His arms of safety and peace... I am just in awe of His love for me, and the fact that He NEVER gave up on me, and He knew that the path I was on would reach a crossroad - and at that point..the direction that I chose would greatly change my life one way or another. Looking back, I believe the wrong road.. the road that I was on - which was that of the "good girl" who made a lot of wrong decisions - the one who "looked" like she had it all together ... that girl was an incredibly sad, lonely, broken girl who was desperately searching to fill an ever growing void in her life.. that girl had slipped into an out of control vortex of worldliness that was nearing an abrupt end..or at least a deeper pit of hopelessness which leads to an end.... I really do think that had I continued down that path.. I might not be here today. But by the grace and mercy of God.. My eyes and my walled off heart - they opened.. and stopped believing all of the lies of the enemy. I saw the outstretched hand of God to me through the person that would become my dearest friend... Courtney.. a girl I met after she had just moved to my little island town after graduating from Auburn. I met her quite randomly - in the midst of my wrong choices..(a story for another day)..and through her and her soon to be new husband.. God invited me to come closer to Him.. to give Him a chance.. to realize that it isn't about "religion".. it IS ALL ABOUT relationship...to meet other people who also had pasts.. but were fighting to walk the righteous path.
On December 3rd 2006..when I surrendered it all - that void that had been ever growing... it stopped. It was filled. A burden of mass proportions was taken off of me at my point of surrender. I made the first major step onto the RIGHT path. A path that I am so immensely thankful for - there are no words to describe it. I am humbled and in a constant state of awe. #the journey.. it has not been easy..and in the very beginning, I had to go through some intense learning experiences of fighting the flesh - of fighting the world. But I learned that when I am weak.. He IS strong. I learned to surround myself with Godly people that would pray with me and even give me advice I didn't want to hear. I am thankful for the people that God has placed in my life... because life is not easy.. God never promised that it would be.. But since I made the decision to grab His outstretched hand and invite Him into my heart.. to forgive me of all of my sins and make me white as snow.. to lead me - guide me and fill me with His Holy Spirit.. my life... the journey ..it has been filled with peace beyond understanding in the midst of every kind of storm.. through the darkest nights I know that HIS mercies are going to be new with the light of each morning and He will not leave or foresake me... the journey has been filled with a true understanding of love.. of absolute joy.. of what REAL friendship is, of what a marriage centered on Christ is and how wonderful it can be!.. My life - it is wonderful.. even when my feelings aren't agreeing. No matter what I may be going through or where I am.... I am blessed. I love and am loved. I am His and He is mine.
This past weekend was Easter... and you see...we went "home" for the first time in 4 months.. to the place where my life was radically changed on the journey... where our lives together began.. to "our little island town".. and as I drove home on Sunday after spending just a few hours with our "home" church family... I went through a rollercoaster of emotions. Like I said.. I am a bama girl. Born, raised and resided all of my years in the southernmost coastal regions of Alabama. I have always been within an hours drive of family.. and at most a 30 minute drive of water. Mostly salt water. So... for this girl - leaving Alabama alone was a REALLY big deal. But so much more than leaving "the region" .. leaving our family (this includes dear friends / church family).. was by far the most difficult on SO many levels. This also is a story for another time... because at the end of the day... we TRUST God and His plan for our lives. The move.. although painful.. is the answer to years of prayers by many- years where we fought through financial storms.
....Anyway.. my point in bringing up this past weekend is that as I was on my rollercoaster of emotions..driving from Alabama to Louisiana.. my thoughts would always return to that of immense and humbling thankfulness. I literally cried for 2 hours..(this is NOT conducive to great vision .. especially as the driver..)
I cried over the fact that:
Jesus left heaven.. He came to this earth as a man - born of a virgin... He lived a sinless life... He was rejected.. tortured and suffered a HORRENDOUS death on the cross.. was buried..and on the third day.. rose again. The grave could not hold Him... I cried tears of appreciation BECAUSE of what He did for me. ME??? Because of Him and the love of the Father for me (and you)...I cried out of thankfulness for my decision to surrender it ALL to HIM.. because since that decision was made... my life has been and continues to be filled with incredible blessings. I thank God every day - throughout the day... for salvation... for Him sending His only Son for me... I know that He has ALWAYS been with me... and choosing to follow Him.. is by far the best decision I could have ever made in my life. EVER. We are ALL created with a purpose and a GOD SIZED VOID...
He sent His Son for you as well and HE CAN and WILL FILL THAT VOID. Take it from someone who knows....
So with all this being established.... welcome to my blog. Welcome to my thoughts. I've been praying for God to reactivate the creative button in me .. ( I am a creative person with intense inconsistencies.. aka: self diagnosed: A.D.H.D. - O.C.D. - I go from wanting to paint, to wanting to crochet, to wanting to sew.. to carving.. to making jewelry..to planting flowers.. to having 20 "Blog" thoughts all at once...(you get the idea)
Lately though...over and over.. all I can seem to want to do is write and apparently share??? The last 4 months have been trying - yet so powerful in the presence and blessings of God - a season where both Craig and I have grown so much closer to God and each other.. and in time.. I will share how God has walked us through these difficulties.
But for now..here's to my newest creative venture!
This BLOG is like a journal... and I am also excited to see where the journey leads!
(my husband (who always says consistency is key..) will just love how my creativeness has taken yet another turn - there is no income produced by this venture.. at least not in the here and now. :) )
May God use this "creative - A D H D - O C D bama girl" to bless someone - and may my thoughts be used as a vessel to help others onto the path that they were created for.. the path with and living for Jesus Christ.
For HIS Glory -
CJ <><
"Peace.... runs deep... deep in Him"
- Josh Garrels "Train Song"
JOHN 3:16 <><
